i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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