Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
