so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
