My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
