So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
