He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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