He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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