YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I smell stomach acid.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
