Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
