I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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