He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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