I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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