why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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