the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I want her autograph on my taint
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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