I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
