They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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