My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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