I puked a lego.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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