do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
