you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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