apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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