Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
