if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
