and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
pop tarts are not kleenex
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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