he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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