This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
