Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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