Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
