My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
dude. I can hear the air.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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