And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
