dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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