you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
