The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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