If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
