Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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