The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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