Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
