You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
