omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
