I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
