I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
