bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You dont lie about slip and slides
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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