somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
