When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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