I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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