I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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