He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
