I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
