"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
