Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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