btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
