So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
