I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Randomize
